THE ART OF BEING YOU

who am iI have been doing a lot of thinking lately (which is dangerous in itself). I’ve always liked to think that I love the fact that I can be me and not care what anyone else thought of me. In truth, I do care. I only share thoughts or ideas that I think others will not find ‘strange’. My theory? We all seek approval from all those around us. We do care what people think, we want them to like us. We don’t mind being involved in a conversation about that weird one in the office but we would hate to be the subject of it. This in itself is self destructive. If we care about what people think then we will present ourselves in a fashion that we think will be accepted. To avoid this I have always been a closed book, only revealing what I feel comfortable people knowing. This usually leads to me seeming boring, so I always tend to end up justifying myself. The thing that I’ve realised is that internal question of ‘Why should I have to justify myself?’ is always aimed at the person I’m talking to, when really it’s my issue. They aren’t asking me to justify myself, I am. So surely this means that maybe I’m not as happy being me a I thought I was. My solution? I need to accept myself totally before expecting anyone else to do the same. Hopefully by doing this I won’t care of anyone accepts me totally or not. My goal is to attain some sort of self realisation that I am who I am and others are who they are. I suppose it sounds like quite an easy thing to do but it’s taken me this long to realise I’ve not quite achieved it. I was trying to think how to actually do this and think I need to defragment my brain. Open it up to new experiences, try to be braver in trying things out and not let fear stop me. Again not as easy as it sounds but here’s to actually trying it instead of just saying I’m going to. I hear that meditation is good for clearing the mind. A kind of self healing for your brain, so I’m going to try it and see if it works. You never know I might actually like the person I discover.
And so begins my project – the art of being me.

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2 Responses to THE ART OF BEING YOU

  1. Crikey, you really have been thinking! I have been too, and these are my thoughts:

    The idea of defragmenting your brain is a fabulous one and I’m sure meditation will help, but you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself. It’s completely normal to have a private self and a public self (google ‘the Johari window’ for an example of accepted thinking about this).

    Human beings are social creatures and we’re programmed to survive in social situations; that means protecting ourselves from possible rejection by keeping back anything that we think might be unacceptable to our social group, and also looking for common ground with those around us so that we form a connection, no matter how tenuous. These processes come to the fore at work, where we have to get on with our colleagues even if we seem to have very little in common. This can feel very false, but the alternative would be isolation, which is no good for humans.

    It’s fine to reveal only what you think people will be willing to accept, but there might be more scope to be yourself than you think. Sharing aspects of yourself that are risky can make you feel vulnerable, but you can experiment with this in small ways, and see what response you get. People are more open minded than you think, especially when you talk to them one on one. And you’re likely to be much happier if you’re being authentic.

    You see, when we have a choice, we seek out those with whom we can be our most authentic selves. Our closest friends and family members are the ones we can be most honest with, with whom we hold back the least. Loneliness comes from having no one to be your true self with. That’s why people get so depressed over Christmas, because they might be surrounded by family, but have no-one to talk to honestly about who they are and how they feel.

    Lastly, no-one is boring. One person’s idea of a really fun activity would be a nightmare for someone else. Everyone just needs to find people with the same interests as them.

    So you’re right, you don’t need to justify yourself to anyone, but the drive to do so comes from a deeper place than self-doubt. Hopefully, knowing that will make it easier for you to get back to knowing how fabulous you are.

    xxx

    Liked by 1 person

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